Thursday, September 30, 2004
Accountability
How accountable are you to yourself? Do you always keep the promise you make to yourself? Or do you put your needs and your promises to self at the bottom of the pile? Do you keep on postponing your appointment for your yearly exam? Do you keep on promising yourself you will eat better but don't make the time to shop wisely? What about that yoga class you know would help you unwind on a regular basis, but you just can't get around to it? Being accountable to yourself is a sign of respect for yourself. Treat yourself as well as you would treat someone you cherish. Being accountable to yourself will change your life.
Having trouble being accountable to yourself?
Call the coach
P.S. Check page 80 of the October issue of Chatelaine for some of my tips
Know someone who could use help with accountability to self? Email them this tip.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Having trouble being accountable to yourself?
Call the coach
P.S. Check page 80 of the October issue of Chatelaine for some of my tips
Know someone who could use help with accountability to self? Email them this tip.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Ready for coaching?
I am often asked "how do you know if you are ready to hire your own coach?" There are a few factors that are important to consider when you are thinking of hiring a coach. Some of them: resources, both in terms of time and money. But the one essential factor that indicates that you are ready is that you find a way. People who hire me are not the most affluent. Many of my clients have been people who make between $35,000 and $50,000 a year. Not executive salary by any means. One thing they had in common is the fact they were intent on making some change. They were tired of being tired. Of complaining. Of finding excuses. Even more important, they felt they were worth the investment. They saw themselves as "diamonds in the rough" and finally, they were ready to do the work. They sensed that for things to change, they would have to change although most, if not all, were a bit scared to take that step.
Ready for change? Starting in October, I will offer free phone coaching one Friday morning a month. In October, it will be on Friday, October 29th, from 9:00 a.m. to noon, Eastern time. To reserve your spot (40 minutes) email me marguerite@canadascoach.com. First come, first served.
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Ready for change? Starting in October, I will offer free phone coaching one Friday morning a month. In October, it will be on Friday, October 29th, from 9:00 a.m. to noon, Eastern time. To reserve your spot (40 minutes) email me marguerite@canadascoach.com. First come, first served.
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Quote of the week
"There is no higher drama than true personal growth. Nothing could be more dramatic than boys becoming real men and girls becoming real women."
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love.
When we find ourselves with a little or a lot of cheap drama in our life, it's because in some way, we are refusing to grow up. We want to remain a little boy or a little girl. We want someone to take care of us; we want to be right. We want what we want and won't accept no. We judge ourselves and others by what we have or do. You may think that you can limit this to a certain area of your life and it's possible you succeed. But pretending to be grown up is not the same thing as being grown up. It causes a lot of stress and eats up a lot of energy that could be used more productively. We have all worked in environments where someone acted like a temperamental five year old or a twelve year old bully! That's why personal growth is not just about your personal life - although this could be reason enough. True personal growth will increase your emotional intelligence which has been identified as predictive of success, even more so than degrees and technical knowledge. However, we have to be open to learning. We have to be curious and willing to change. Change beliefs, change attitudes, change behaviours. We have to be willing to do the work. The pre-requisite is we have to admit we don't know it all. We have to be teachable.
Are you ready to let go of the cheap drama in your life?
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love.
When we find ourselves with a little or a lot of cheap drama in our life, it's because in some way, we are refusing to grow up. We want to remain a little boy or a little girl. We want someone to take care of us; we want to be right. We want what we want and won't accept no. We judge ourselves and others by what we have or do. You may think that you can limit this to a certain area of your life and it's possible you succeed. But pretending to be grown up is not the same thing as being grown up. It causes a lot of stress and eats up a lot of energy that could be used more productively. We have all worked in environments where someone acted like a temperamental five year old or a twelve year old bully! That's why personal growth is not just about your personal life - although this could be reason enough. True personal growth will increase your emotional intelligence which has been identified as predictive of success, even more so than degrees and technical knowledge. However, we have to be open to learning. We have to be curious and willing to change. Change beliefs, change attitudes, change behaviours. We have to be willing to do the work. The pre-requisite is we have to admit we don't know it all. We have to be teachable.
Are you ready to let go of the cheap drama in your life?
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Friday, September 24, 2004
Emotional intelligence
"The most critical knowledge is self-knowledge. Self-awareness helps you build your strengths."
Author unknown
Leaders who leave a positive legacy have developed their emotional intelligence. They have developed more self-awareness and have used it to become better leaders.
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Author unknown
Leaders who leave a positive legacy have developed their emotional intelligence. They have developed more self-awareness and have used it to become better leaders.
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Sunday, September 19, 2004
What's so scary about being adored?
"We deflect what we secretly crave."
Harville Hendrix
Coaching homework: Sit down in a quiet place and think about what happens inside you when someone gets close emotionally and expresses love. Use pen and paper to jot down the fears. And fear's number one job is to protect you. Except that fear does not know that 1) you are now a capable adult and 2) that this person is not the same one as the one who hurt you in the past.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Harville Hendrix
Coaching homework: Sit down in a quiet place and think about what happens inside you when someone gets close emotionally and expresses love. Use pen and paper to jot down the fears. And fear's number one job is to protect you. Except that fear does not know that 1) you are now a capable adult and 2) that this person is not the same one as the one who hurt you in the past.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Friday, September 17, 2004
Honour yourself
"Loving yourself means honoring yourself for your courage on the path of growth. ...Love yourself for every step you are taking. ..Talk to yourself and say all the things you would want someone else to say to you. If you can't say them now to your own heart, you won't hear them (or believe them) when someone else comes along."
From Barbara De Angelis, "Secrets about life every woman should know." (and everyman also).
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
From Barbara De Angelis, "Secrets about life every woman should know." (and everyman also).
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Why a blog (web log) and not an ezine (electronic newsletter)
Writing to you on this beautiful, summerlike September morning.
I have been asked recently why I don't have an ezine. I had planned in the past to have an ezine like a large number of coaches do. For a variety of reasons (excuses), like I am not very literate in technical stuff, not enough time, etc. I postponed it. And I am glad I did. I receive an enormous amount of email and I usually don't have time to read a lot of it, especially ezines and other information and I believe it's the same for most of you. It's a lot easier for me to write this blog. It's very informal. I write it spontaneously, with very little editing. I write from the heart, usually relating it to something that's happening in my life. With the weblog, you can choose the time you want to read something informative. Maybe when you are stressed at work and need a short break. Maybe when you have some free time during the evening or even if you can't sleep at night (I will in fact post something about sleep hygiene). It's always available, when you need it most.
Today I want to share another great resource: http://www.authentichappiness.org. There is a lot of good information and a number of online fun (although long) tests.
Enjoy
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
I have been asked recently why I don't have an ezine. I had planned in the past to have an ezine like a large number of coaches do. For a variety of reasons (excuses), like I am not very literate in technical stuff, not enough time, etc. I postponed it. And I am glad I did. I receive an enormous amount of email and I usually don't have time to read a lot of it, especially ezines and other information and I believe it's the same for most of you. It's a lot easier for me to write this blog. It's very informal. I write it spontaneously, with very little editing. I write from the heart, usually relating it to something that's happening in my life. With the weblog, you can choose the time you want to read something informative. Maybe when you are stressed at work and need a short break. Maybe when you have some free time during the evening or even if you can't sleep at night (I will in fact post something about sleep hygiene). It's always available, when you need it most.
Today I want to share another great resource: http://www.authentichappiness.org. There is a lot of good information and a number of online fun (although long) tests.
Enjoy
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Working on your business - not just in your business
I met two solopreneurs (entrepreneur working alone in your business)last week. Two wonderful professionals who love what they do. One a hairdresser, the other a massage therapist. Both confessed to having thoughts of going back to work for an employer because they hate the business part of their work: keeping track of the finances, the administration, the website, the marketing, etc.
I could identify with them because as a life coach, I just want to coach and I also find the business part the least interesting part of my work.
If you are a solopreneur, here are some tips to lighten your outlook and make your life easier.
- Identify the part of the business you most dislike and get someone to do it for you. If it's the finances, bookkeeping, etc., hire someone to do your books. You may say you can't afford to but look at the time you can devote to doing more of what you truly enjoy which will help pay for the services. Another way is to barter your services.
- Identify the part of the business you are least trained/qualified to do and either get the training or hire someone to do it for you. If it's something you really want to learn, great. Otherwise, find someone to do it.
- If you find yourself totally overwhelmed with some aspect because you have really let things slip and you are the one who needs to do it, block off some time and clean up. Personal papers and files often fall in this category.
- Develop (or hire someone) to develop and put a system in place to help you keep on top of things.
- Depending on the kind of business you have, you need to spend time weekly to working on your business. This time goes from a minimum of 10% to 20%. In a full time business, this can mean a full day each week.
- Don't forget to have a life. Having a small business, especially one you run from your home is wonderful and has a lot of benefits. It also makes it harder to clearly define work and life time. You may be "ON" most of the day, even on weekends. If that's a problem for you, block the family and life time in your day planner and treat it as sacred, i.e. stick to it.
Whether you are an artist, a coach, a therapist, personal trainer, hairdresser, you are first and foremost a business person. You are in business and need to earn a living at it. Treat it like a business, not just a hobby.
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
I could identify with them because as a life coach, I just want to coach and I also find the business part the least interesting part of my work.
If you are a solopreneur, here are some tips to lighten your outlook and make your life easier.
- Identify the part of the business you most dislike and get someone to do it for you. If it's the finances, bookkeeping, etc., hire someone to do your books. You may say you can't afford to but look at the time you can devote to doing more of what you truly enjoy which will help pay for the services. Another way is to barter your services.
- Identify the part of the business you are least trained/qualified to do and either get the training or hire someone to do it for you. If it's something you really want to learn, great. Otherwise, find someone to do it.
- If you find yourself totally overwhelmed with some aspect because you have really let things slip and you are the one who needs to do it, block off some time and clean up. Personal papers and files often fall in this category.
- Develop (or hire someone) to develop and put a system in place to help you keep on top of things.
- Depending on the kind of business you have, you need to spend time weekly to working on your business. This time goes from a minimum of 10% to 20%. In a full time business, this can mean a full day each week.
- Don't forget to have a life. Having a small business, especially one you run from your home is wonderful and has a lot of benefits. It also makes it harder to clearly define work and life time. You may be "ON" most of the day, even on weekends. If that's a problem for you, block the family and life time in your day planner and treat it as sacred, i.e. stick to it.
Whether you are an artist, a coach, a therapist, personal trainer, hairdresser, you are first and foremost a business person. You are in business and need to earn a living at it. Treat it like a business, not just a hobby.
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Forget the "Should's" -It's OK to change your mind
How many times have you forced yourself to stay to the end of the movie even though you just hated it; or read a book to the end even when you were not at all interested; or done anything else simply because you had, at some point, thought that's what you wanted to do?
Last Spring, I signed up for a Mindulfness in Daily Living Retreat which was to take place from this past Sunday to next Saturday. I really wanted to learn more about mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, both for myself and my clients and this was what I thought a great way to do it. The retreat was scheduled (as you can see I am writing in the past tense!!!)all day last Sunday and every morning from 6:30 to 9:00 and every evening from 5:30 to 9:00 this week, plus a half day on Saturday. I attended the Sunday all day,meditation in complete silence part of it. As the day progressed, I started feeling more and more stressed because I realized that there were other things a) I wanted to do and b) I needed to do. Learning about mindfulness was a great goal, but the in-silence-retreat model was not for me, and the timing was also completely off. I finished the day and some "should's" surfaced. I should at least attend a few evenings, I had paid for it, etc., etc. etc. Finally reason prevailed and I decided that I had already mortgaged my time enough. I showed up Monday evening to let the organizer and the participants know of my decision.
Take your day planner for the next week and highlight in one color all the "should's" of your life and decide what you want to eliminate: being on a committee; being a volunteer; exercise; take a class. Either decide it's something you really want to do it or ditch it! Carrying a life of should's weighs you down. It zaps your energy. Say I want to instead of I have to. Make everything a choice.
P.S. I feel wonderful to have all this extra time this week!
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Last Spring, I signed up for a Mindulfness in Daily Living Retreat which was to take place from this past Sunday to next Saturday. I really wanted to learn more about mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, both for myself and my clients and this was what I thought a great way to do it. The retreat was scheduled (as you can see I am writing in the past tense!!!)all day last Sunday and every morning from 6:30 to 9:00 and every evening from 5:30 to 9:00 this week, plus a half day on Saturday. I attended the Sunday all day,meditation in complete silence part of it. As the day progressed, I started feeling more and more stressed because I realized that there were other things a) I wanted to do and b) I needed to do. Learning about mindfulness was a great goal, but the in-silence-retreat model was not for me, and the timing was also completely off. I finished the day and some "should's" surfaced. I should at least attend a few evenings, I had paid for it, etc., etc. etc. Finally reason prevailed and I decided that I had already mortgaged my time enough. I showed up Monday evening to let the organizer and the participants know of my decision.
Take your day planner for the next week and highlight in one color all the "should's" of your life and decide what you want to eliminate: being on a committee; being a volunteer; exercise; take a class. Either decide it's something you really want to do it or ditch it! Carrying a life of should's weighs you down. It zaps your energy. Say I want to instead of I have to. Make everything a choice.
P.S. I feel wonderful to have all this extra time this week!
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Forget the "Should's" -It's OK to change your mind
How many times have you forced yourself to stay to the end of the movie even though you just hated it; or read a book to the end even when you were not at all interested; or done anything else simply because you had, at some point, thought that's what you wanted to do?
Last Spring, I signed up for a Mindulfness in Daily Living Retreat which was to take place from this past Sunday to next Saturday. I really wanted to learn more about mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, both for myself and my clients and this was what I thought a great way to do it. The retreat was scheduled (as you can see I am writing in the past tense!!!)all day last Sunday and every morning from 6:30 to 9:00 and every evening from 5:30 to 9:00 this week, plus a half day on Saturday. I attended the Sunday all day,meditation in complete silence part of it. As the day progressed, I started feeling more and more stressed because I realized that there were other things a) I wanted to do and b) I needed to do. Learning about mindfulness was a great goal, but the in-silence-retreat model was not for me, and the timing was also completely off. I finished the day and some "should's" surfaced. I should at least attend a few evenings, I had paid for it, etc., etc. etc. Finally reason prevailed and I decided that I had already mortgaged my time enough. I showed up Monday evening to let the organizer and the participants know of my decision.
Take your day planner for the next week and highlight in one color all the "should's" of your life and decide what you want to eliminate: being on a committee; being a volunteer; exercise; take a class. Either decide it's something you really want to do it or ditch it! Carrying a life of should's weighs you down. It zaps your energy. Say I want to instead of I have to. Make everything a choice.
P.S. I feel wonderful to have all this extra time this week!
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Last Spring, I signed up for a Mindulfness in Daily Living Retreat which was to take place from this past Sunday to next Saturday. I really wanted to learn more about mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, both for myself and my clients and this was what I thought a great way to do it. The retreat was scheduled (as you can see I am writing in the past tense!!!)all day last Sunday and every morning from 6:30 to 9:00 and every evening from 5:30 to 9:00 this week, plus a half day on Saturday. I attended the Sunday all day,meditation in complete silence part of it. As the day progressed, I started feeling more and more stressed because I realized that there were other things a) I wanted to do and b) I needed to do. Learning about mindfulness was a great goal, but the in-silence-retreat model was not for me, and the timing was also completely off. I finished the day and some "should's" surfaced. I should at least attend a few evenings, I had paid for it, etc., etc. etc. Finally reason prevailed and I decided that I had already mortgaged my time enough. I showed up Monday evening to let the organizer and the participants know of my decision.
Take your day planner for the next week and highlight in one color all the "should's" of your life and decide what you want to eliminate: being on a committee; being a volunteer; exercise; take a class. Either decide it's something you really want to do it or ditch it! Carrying a life of should's weighs you down. It zaps your energy. Say I want to instead of I have to. Make everything a choice.
P.S. I feel wonderful to have all this extra time this week!
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Canada's coach in October issue of Chatelaine
I have had the good fortune to be interviewed for a story on success which appears in the October issue of Chatelaine (page 75)(English). One of the women featured credits her success to the fact that she stopped hating herself and she is now working to help others; another woman stopped running away from herself. I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who have managed to overcome great hardship and are now helping others to health and well being. Two of the last authors I read have done so. Louise Hay healed from childhood incest to become a world author in the field of personal growth and spiritual development. Melody Beatty for her part overcame addiction and is also a household name. Dave Pelzer survived one of the worst case of child abuse to tell his story to the world and earn his living speaking to students all over the world. What these two women and that man have done is take the steps to get to heal and grow from what happened to them and made it their mission to help others. They have managed to give a sense to their life and to the senseless drama they lived. Do you have a message? Are you a survivor? First do your healing and you too k could help change the world.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Friday, September 10, 2004
Create big boundaries
"The way in which a person loses their true goodness is just like the way that trees are destroyed by the ax. Cut down day after day, how can the mind, anymore than the tree, retain its beauty or continue to live." Mencius, fourth Century B.C.
This shows that protecting boundaries is not a new phenomena. How do you protect your boundaries? Are you able to say no? To anyone? The PTA? Your boss? Your children? What about your mother or your partner? Can you say no to the neighbour who borrows or expects you to babysit or,or.... The ability to say no is a fundamental step to establish our boundaries. Then there are the other ways we fail to set boundaries. Early in a relationship, you set the tone when you accept less-than loving behaviours or remarks. In the workplace, you also set the tone when you ignore hurtful comments, unreasonable demands, or when you tolerate employees or colleagues who are not pulling their share.
September is "return to school" time. Even if you are not returning to formal school, I invite you to see that you tolerate in your life because you have failed to set clear boundaries with people around you. You may feel frustrated, or blame others for how they treat you. Look at what is not working in your life and see how setting a clear boundary may change things. Setting a boundary can be as easy as turning off the ring on the phone when you go to bed or as challenging as cutting from your life someone who is consistently unkind and mean. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Remember: no one, and that means no one, not your boss, not your parent or anyone has anyright to treat you unkindly. There is no excuse. If you stay and try to change the other person, you are most likely trying to resolve a childhood issue (Freud was right on some things).
Coach's tip; write down all the frustrations and everything that does not work in your life right now. Besides each entry, write down what boundary you could put in place. Think of a boundary as a fence - either a friendly neighbour fence or a three-feet-thick steel wall if the person has not stopped the offending behaviour. Can't see what boundaries you can set up, ask someone (who is never unkind to you) to help you.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
P.S. Join a global movement tomorrow September 11. Visit: http://www.hellofrommyheart.com to register. Tomorrow morning, greet the world with a warm Hello from my heart. Think of the people you love. Call them and surprise them with a Hello from my Heart. Walk to the mirror and look into your own eyes and greet yourself with : "Hello from my heart." Spend your day in your heart, even if you need to carry some tissue all day long.
"The brain was designed to protect us, the heart to connect. Don't let your brain speak louder than your heart."
from Capture the Rapture: How to step out of your head and leap into life, by Marcia Reynolds, 2001 (Marcia is a top life coach colleague - visit: http://www.covisioning.com
This shows that protecting boundaries is not a new phenomena. How do you protect your boundaries? Are you able to say no? To anyone? The PTA? Your boss? Your children? What about your mother or your partner? Can you say no to the neighbour who borrows or expects you to babysit or,or.... The ability to say no is a fundamental step to establish our boundaries. Then there are the other ways we fail to set boundaries. Early in a relationship, you set the tone when you accept less-than loving behaviours or remarks. In the workplace, you also set the tone when you ignore hurtful comments, unreasonable demands, or when you tolerate employees or colleagues who are not pulling their share.
September is "return to school" time. Even if you are not returning to formal school, I invite you to see that you tolerate in your life because you have failed to set clear boundaries with people around you. You may feel frustrated, or blame others for how they treat you. Look at what is not working in your life and see how setting a clear boundary may change things. Setting a boundary can be as easy as turning off the ring on the phone when you go to bed or as challenging as cutting from your life someone who is consistently unkind and mean. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Remember: no one, and that means no one, not your boss, not your parent or anyone has anyright to treat you unkindly. There is no excuse. If you stay and try to change the other person, you are most likely trying to resolve a childhood issue (Freud was right on some things).
Coach's tip; write down all the frustrations and everything that does not work in your life right now. Besides each entry, write down what boundary you could put in place. Think of a boundary as a fence - either a friendly neighbour fence or a three-feet-thick steel wall if the person has not stopped the offending behaviour. Can't see what boundaries you can set up, ask someone (who is never unkind to you) to help you.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
P.S. Join a global movement tomorrow September 11. Visit: http://www.hellofrommyheart.com to register. Tomorrow morning, greet the world with a warm Hello from my heart. Think of the people you love. Call them and surprise them with a Hello from my Heart. Walk to the mirror and look into your own eyes and greet yourself with : "Hello from my heart." Spend your day in your heart, even if you need to carry some tissue all day long.
"The brain was designed to protect us, the heart to connect. Don't let your brain speak louder than your heart."
from Capture the Rapture: How to step out of your head and leap into life, by Marcia Reynolds, 2001 (Marcia is a top life coach colleague - visit: http://www.covisioning.com
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
What does your love life look like?
I just decided to check the dictionary definition of love. Went online and found the following: warm attachment, enthusiasm, devotion; strong affection; affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests; unselfish, loyal, benevolent concern for the good of another. You can also add: peace, joy, tenderness, playfulness, growth, respect, support, sharing, reciprocity, generosity of the heart.
Nowhere did I see: control, violence, insult, abuse, lack of respect, neglect, agression or pain, misery or tears and despair.
Does your love for yourself fit the former definition? Is that the way you are loved? YOU can choose differently.
Marguerite
http://www.canadascoach.com
Nowhere did I see: control, violence, insult, abuse, lack of respect, neglect, agression or pain, misery or tears and despair.
Does your love for yourself fit the former definition? Is that the way you are loved? YOU can choose differently.
Marguerite
http://www.canadascoach.com
Love and fear and violence in the world
The events of the last few months and especially of the last week have left the world a little sadder place. I can't help but think that fear and lack of true self love are at the root of a lot of the violence we see around us.
Don Miguel Ruiz in "The Mastery of Love" writes:
"Love is the medicine that accelerates the process of healing. There is no other medicine but unconditional love. Not: ... I love myself if... we cannot love love others until we love ourselves."
Reading the poem Desirata is also a great way to gently remind yourself that you are perfect the way you are. If someone ever gave you that poem, it was because they care for you and think highly of you. Start believing it. If you don't have a copy, go on a search engine and download your copy. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve it. Once you love yourself unconditionally, you will be better able to love and to accept that you can be loved. The world needs a lot of love.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Don Miguel Ruiz in "The Mastery of Love" writes:
"Love is the medicine that accelerates the process of healing. There is no other medicine but unconditional love. Not: ... I love myself if... we cannot love love others until we love ourselves."
Reading the poem Desirata is also a great way to gently remind yourself that you are perfect the way you are. If someone ever gave you that poem, it was because they care for you and think highly of you. Start believing it. If you don't have a copy, go on a search engine and download your copy. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve it. Once you love yourself unconditionally, you will be better able to love and to accept that you can be loved. The world needs a lot of love.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Monday, September 06, 2004
A great web resource
For great articles on mediation and spirituality, visit:
http://www.seishindo.org
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
http://www.seishindo.org
Marguerite Tennier,
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Relationships do need work
A relationship is like a fire - either a camp fire or a fire in the fireplace. You know you have to start the fire with small kindlings, maybe some paper to help create flames, then carefully place the large logs so as to give the fire enough space for oxygen and if you want the fire to last, you need to feed it. The wood you choose and the environment all play a part. Ever tried to start a camp fire with raging winds? It helps if you or your partner shields the wind.
Building and maintaining a relationship also requires some work. One of my professors, who had over thirty years experience as a marital therapist once said of relationships, "If at first it does not work, quit!" What he meant was that the start of a relationship should be easy and flow smoothly. However, once the first flames are decreasing, then, both partners need to take responsibility if they want the relationship to grow and keep them warm.
Do you work on your relationship or do you let your partner take care of that stuff? Do you do all the work on your relationship? Are you the emotional caretaker? Neither way works. Both partners need to put in their 100% to grow a healthy relationship.
Ready to start growing healthy relationships? Don't know how or where to start?
Call for a free consultation.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Building and maintaining a relationship also requires some work. One of my professors, who had over thirty years experience as a marital therapist once said of relationships, "If at first it does not work, quit!" What he meant was that the start of a relationship should be easy and flow smoothly. However, once the first flames are decreasing, then, both partners need to take responsibility if they want the relationship to grow and keep them warm.
Do you work on your relationship or do you let your partner take care of that stuff? Do you do all the work on your relationship? Are you the emotional caretaker? Neither way works. Both partners need to put in their 100% to grow a healthy relationship.
Ready to start growing healthy relationships? Don't know how or where to start?
Call for a free consultation.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Friday, September 03, 2004
Crisis = opportunity
The famous Chinese "Crisis equals opportunity" is true, but you don't have to wait for a crisis to take the opportunity to make the changes you want in your life. I wrote about stress and your health yesterday and that's one area where you definitely don't need to wait until there is a crisis.
How do you recognize that you're on a dangerously slippy road to high stress? Sleep and digestion problems are often among the first signs. Impatience with family, in line or behind the wheel is another. You get easily frustrated and feel it's other people's fault. Forgetfulness is another sign that your plate is getting too full. You forget your keys in your car (done that at a time of stress), forget to pay a bill, forget an important event. Feeling rushed, not once in a blue moon, but on a regular basis. Tightness in your jaw, grinding your teeth can signal stress.
Wishing, waiting and hoping that things will change usually does not work. If you want things to change, then YOU have to change. Easy? No. Stressful? Yes. Beneficial? You bet.
Coach's tip: Do you recognize your signs of stress? What do you need to change, to let go? Write it down. Once written, it's harder to talk yourself into believing everything is all right.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
How do you recognize that you're on a dangerously slippy road to high stress? Sleep and digestion problems are often among the first signs. Impatience with family, in line or behind the wheel is another. You get easily frustrated and feel it's other people's fault. Forgetfulness is another sign that your plate is getting too full. You forget your keys in your car (done that at a time of stress), forget to pay a bill, forget an important event. Feeling rushed, not once in a blue moon, but on a regular basis. Tightness in your jaw, grinding your teeth can signal stress.
Wishing, waiting and hoping that things will change usually does not work. If you want things to change, then YOU have to change. Easy? No. Stressful? Yes. Beneficial? You bet.
Coach's tip: Do you recognize your signs of stress? What do you need to change, to let go? Write it down. Once written, it's harder to talk yourself into believing everything is all right.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Email information to your friends and colleagues
New feature: By clicking on the little envelope at the end of each posting, you can email the information to your colleagues or loved ones.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
Stress and your heart
The Globe and Mail reported this week a landmark Canadian-led study of over 30,000 people, study led by Salim Yusuf that for non-smokers with good cholesterol levels, "stress is the most powerful predictor of a heart attack."
As I was reading these findings, relaxing on a lounge chair just looking at the sky and the mountains, waiting to receive my second therapeutic massage in three days in majestic Mont-Tremblant, it almost felt I knew nothing about stress. However, I know from experience that stress is a silent killer. It's only when it gets so big that we finally stop and realize what's happening. If you are a single parent, you have stress; if you take care of aging parents, that's stress too; if you have a job with poor management above you, that's stress; if you have unfinished emotional business, that's stress; if you are a two working parent family, you have stress; if you have too little money, or too much money (afraid to loose it) that's also stress. If you hate your job that's stressful. If you are in conflict with someone, that's also stress. If you feel you don't have a choice about how you live your life, that's stress. If you don't take your lunch break as a break, that's stress. If you brag about multi-tasking, you are also probably stressed. If you can't find the time to get that massage or for your eye exam, or.... I could go on and on.
Some will argue that you can't eliminate all stress. Well, I am not certain. What I know for sure is that if you take time to take stock, you can decide to eliminate a lot of it.
Coach's tip: Set aside one hour this weekend and look at the stresses in your life.
If you say you can't take time to do this, that's a sign that you must be stressed.
Look at all your "obligations" and other activities. Does this leave you with time to relax and do nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing. Just enjoying the sky and the sound of the birds. Or time to do what you say you want to do: start an exercise program, prepare healthy meals, read that book, take that class, go to bed early, take time to journal.
Being away from my home obligations and everything I know "I must and should be doing" allowed me to follow my natural body rhythm and feel quite self-indulgent and THAT'S HOW WE ARE MEANT TO LIVE, not like the machines that this century has made of most of us.
Remember, it's your heart that's at stake.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
As I was reading these findings, relaxing on a lounge chair just looking at the sky and the mountains, waiting to receive my second therapeutic massage in three days in majestic Mont-Tremblant, it almost felt I knew nothing about stress. However, I know from experience that stress is a silent killer. It's only when it gets so big that we finally stop and realize what's happening. If you are a single parent, you have stress; if you take care of aging parents, that's stress too; if you have a job with poor management above you, that's stress; if you have unfinished emotional business, that's stress; if you are a two working parent family, you have stress; if you have too little money, or too much money (afraid to loose it) that's also stress. If you hate your job that's stressful. If you are in conflict with someone, that's also stress. If you feel you don't have a choice about how you live your life, that's stress. If you don't take your lunch break as a break, that's stress. If you brag about multi-tasking, you are also probably stressed. If you can't find the time to get that massage or for your eye exam, or.... I could go on and on.
Some will argue that you can't eliminate all stress. Well, I am not certain. What I know for sure is that if you take time to take stock, you can decide to eliminate a lot of it.
Coach's tip: Set aside one hour this weekend and look at the stresses in your life.
If you say you can't take time to do this, that's a sign that you must be stressed.
Look at all your "obligations" and other activities. Does this leave you with time to relax and do nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing. Just enjoying the sky and the sound of the birds. Or time to do what you say you want to do: start an exercise program, prepare healthy meals, read that book, take that class, go to bed early, take time to journal.
Being away from my home obligations and everything I know "I must and should be doing" allowed me to follow my natural body rhythm and feel quite self-indulgent and THAT'S HOW WE ARE MEANT TO LIVE, not like the machines that this century has made of most of us.
Remember, it's your heart that's at stake.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
