Friday, September 10, 2004
Create big boundaries
"The way in which a person loses their true goodness is just like the way that trees are destroyed by the ax. Cut down day after day, how can the mind, anymore than the tree, retain its beauty or continue to live." Mencius, fourth Century B.C.
This shows that protecting boundaries is not a new phenomena. How do you protect your boundaries? Are you able to say no? To anyone? The PTA? Your boss? Your children? What about your mother or your partner? Can you say no to the neighbour who borrows or expects you to babysit or,or.... The ability to say no is a fundamental step to establish our boundaries. Then there are the other ways we fail to set boundaries. Early in a relationship, you set the tone when you accept less-than loving behaviours or remarks. In the workplace, you also set the tone when you ignore hurtful comments, unreasonable demands, or when you tolerate employees or colleagues who are not pulling their share.
September is "return to school" time. Even if you are not returning to formal school, I invite you to see that you tolerate in your life because you have failed to set clear boundaries with people around you. You may feel frustrated, or blame others for how they treat you. Look at what is not working in your life and see how setting a clear boundary may change things. Setting a boundary can be as easy as turning off the ring on the phone when you go to bed or as challenging as cutting from your life someone who is consistently unkind and mean. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Remember: no one, and that means no one, not your boss, not your parent or anyone has anyright to treat you unkindly. There is no excuse. If you stay and try to change the other person, you are most likely trying to resolve a childhood issue (Freud was right on some things).
Coach's tip; write down all the frustrations and everything that does not work in your life right now. Besides each entry, write down what boundary you could put in place. Think of a boundary as a fence - either a friendly neighbour fence or a three-feet-thick steel wall if the person has not stopped the offending behaviour. Can't see what boundaries you can set up, ask someone (who is never unkind to you) to help you.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
P.S. Join a global movement tomorrow September 11. Visit: http://www.hellofrommyheart.com to register. Tomorrow morning, greet the world with a warm Hello from my heart. Think of the people you love. Call them and surprise them with a Hello from my Heart. Walk to the mirror and look into your own eyes and greet yourself with : "Hello from my heart." Spend your day in your heart, even if you need to carry some tissue all day long.
"The brain was designed to protect us, the heart to connect. Don't let your brain speak louder than your heart."
from Capture the Rapture: How to step out of your head and leap into life, by Marcia Reynolds, 2001 (Marcia is a top life coach colleague - visit: http://www.covisioning.com
This shows that protecting boundaries is not a new phenomena. How do you protect your boundaries? Are you able to say no? To anyone? The PTA? Your boss? Your children? What about your mother or your partner? Can you say no to the neighbour who borrows or expects you to babysit or,or.... The ability to say no is a fundamental step to establish our boundaries. Then there are the other ways we fail to set boundaries. Early in a relationship, you set the tone when you accept less-than loving behaviours or remarks. In the workplace, you also set the tone when you ignore hurtful comments, unreasonable demands, or when you tolerate employees or colleagues who are not pulling their share.
September is "return to school" time. Even if you are not returning to formal school, I invite you to see that you tolerate in your life because you have failed to set clear boundaries with people around you. You may feel frustrated, or blame others for how they treat you. Look at what is not working in your life and see how setting a clear boundary may change things. Setting a boundary can be as easy as turning off the ring on the phone when you go to bed or as challenging as cutting from your life someone who is consistently unkind and mean. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Remember: no one, and that means no one, not your boss, not your parent or anyone has anyright to treat you unkindly. There is no excuse. If you stay and try to change the other person, you are most likely trying to resolve a childhood issue (Freud was right on some things).
Coach's tip; write down all the frustrations and everything that does not work in your life right now. Besides each entry, write down what boundary you could put in place. Think of a boundary as a fence - either a friendly neighbour fence or a three-feet-thick steel wall if the person has not stopped the offending behaviour. Can't see what boundaries you can set up, ask someone (who is never unkind to you) to help you.
Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world
One Man at a Time
http://www.canadascoach.com
P.S. Join a global movement tomorrow September 11. Visit: http://www.hellofrommyheart.com to register. Tomorrow morning, greet the world with a warm Hello from my heart. Think of the people you love. Call them and surprise them with a Hello from my Heart. Walk to the mirror and look into your own eyes and greet yourself with : "Hello from my heart." Spend your day in your heart, even if you need to carry some tissue all day long.
"The brain was designed to protect us, the heart to connect. Don't let your brain speak louder than your heart."
from Capture the Rapture: How to step out of your head and leap into life, by Marcia Reynolds, 2001 (Marcia is a top life coach colleague - visit: http://www.covisioning.com
